I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me. For your heart will always be where your riches are. Look how the wild flowers grow; they don't work or make clothes for themselves. But I tell you that not even King Solomon with all his wealth had clothes as beautiful as one of these flowers. 

I will reward them with long life. I will save them.

Someday, we will slow down.

I still remember the moment. Excited, I've been waiting to see Kina Grannis for months. I bought tickets for two as soon as it went on sale and was super grateful to have my best friend fly with me to another island just to watch one of my favourite singer-songwriters.

The show was amazing, it was a dream come true for me to finally see her live. I wasn't prepared to be choking back tears at the first song by her opening act, though.

I know I've posted this up before. That was the original video by Imaginary Friend. This one was live, shot by Elaine, and I was right next to her. With only one person in my mind. The very words he had just spoken to me, now being sung by a total stranger. 

A little reminder of how far we've come. And how much more we have to overcome. Nothing precious ever comes easy. If you won't fight for what you love, what you deserve, what you believe in and what you hope for, then what are you fighting for? 

This was a song we sang to comfort ourselves when we were fighting through an obstacle that is behind us now. But one year, two years, twenty, eighty years down the road, there will be many more trials to come and I believe this song will be just as relevant. 

And will mean all the more.

You're amazing,

And you have me.

Doesn't matter what ever comes to be. 

Even if we somehow lose our way.

We'll be okay.

I dreamed that love would never die

I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid

But the tigers come at night

With their voices soft as thunder

As they tear your hope apart

As they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side

He filled my days with endless wonder

But there are dreams that cannot be

And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

A painful flashback, knowing all too well how it feels. It hit too close to home. The raw agony that even now, looking back at it, makes me sad. 

Sad that I had to go through so much hurt. 

Lost in memories drenched in tears, a warm, loving touch brings me back to reality. 

A kiss, an embrace and a soothing whisper, "You have me now, my love." And the cold, cold world just melts away. That is my triumph. To learn to love again, to have one's faith restored, to learn to trust again, to regain one's pride and ultimately to find the strength to believe in Him again. 

He gave me hope when hope was gone. 

He gave me strength to journey on. 

I can't be the only person who gets tired of people... Right? 

You know, days when you're a bit weary of big groups and constant chatter and the obligation to take interest in the current topic of conversation. Not that I'm not thankful to be part of a bigger community, of course. Especially one that you know you belong to. Yet... sometimes a bit of quiet time to myself, is all I need. 

Not everyone will understand, of course. Some might take me as a bit of an odd one. Scribbling in that black notebook in empty cafes? Not really knowing much about her except what everyone else already knows? Friends with everyone, but not exactly part of any cliques? Always a little veil around her, only open to those she takes comfort in being quiet with. 

Everyone needs a bit of time alone... Right?

2012

It's the time of the year again. 

Where we reflect on the days that have passed since we last screamed, 

"Happy New Year!". 

Hogmanay in Edinburgh

What a way to start the new year. Squeezed in a human traffic jam, a moment of awe while watching the fireworks display, and that bittersweet pang when singing, "Auld Lang Syne".

Made amazing new friends, danced and laughed all the way home, missed the faces of home but had my closest girl friends by my side to ease the ache and I could never be more grateful for them! 

The Last 

My first Valentine's date. My first Birthday where I wasn't separated by distance. Our first road trip, our first trip for that matter.

At a point where I thought I'd given up, he proved to me that he was true. That my past hurts will never, never repeat itself while he still has breath in this mortal life. My love, my laughter, my last. My forever. 

Graduation

The bloody nightmare of a thesis was finally over. All that mattered now was that I graduated. What's done is done. 

Nothing comforted me more than my proud parents smiling, seeing me in my graduation gown. My ass of a brother that I unfortunately love very dearly, giving me a bear hug as soon as I received that measly certificate. 

Showing my parents places they've only read about in books we grew up with. 

The "Rock Wercther" Trip

The perfect summary to my three short years in that part of the world. With the same girls who saw me through my struggles.

The new friends I will forever treasure and never forget. Rediscovering the streets I love and getting lost in them all over again. Quiet contemplation along canals and on long train rides, as faces, places pass you by. 

Music brings you back to moments, emotions, experiences - all, nearly forgotten. And when the last note rings out clear and you sink slowly back down to reality, you choose your perception on what has passed, what is, and what will come. I chose gratitude and hope.

 

Leaving Glasgow 

Bittersweet. 

A big part of me felt ready to leave. To say I was sick and tired of Glasgow however, would be a lie. I will forever hold dear the memories in 243, High Street with the irreplaceable Elaine :) 

Friends that have seen me grow from a naive, reckless girl to an older, reckless girl. New friends through current friends, couchsurfing, chance encounters. People I will never ever forget. Never ever.  

Cafes that have seen laughter, furious scribbling in notebooks, silent painful tears, weary studying, gossip, intimate conversations, or just quiet moments staring out the window. Packing three years worth of memories in two massive boxes, one huge check-in luggage, and little others stuffed into my parents' suitcases.

Saying a satisfied goodbye to every hurt I found in Glasgow. Wondering if I will ever meet some of my friends again. Then when a dear friend, on short notice, walked 40 minutes to come and say goodbye on the day I was to leave, I was comforted. Knowing I will always have somewhere to go back to. 

Kuching. Home.

The fact that I was home for good needed some getting used to. Being away for a few years, changes you. Perspectives change. Oh, but it didn't take long before I embraced the very things about Kuching that I once sneered at. And found faults in things I used to be so comfortable with. Ah, life. Spending precious time with family, the boyfriend, and my dearest friends. Looking back at memories of the past and reflecting on what has changed since then. Looking forward. Being home really keeps one rooted to the ground. A quiet reminder of where you came from, how far you've come and how much more you can achieve. If anything, I am renewed :) 

Crossing Checklists of What I've Missed

Time with God. Mum's birthday. Beaches with My Love. His birthday. Dad's birthday. Date night. Family dinners. Youth camps. Empowered Youth Ministry. Friends' Annual Reunion Dinner. New Year's Eve with familiar faces. 

Christmas at Home

My heart is at ease. To have an entirely new appreciation for Christmas, not only in it's true meaning, the immense significance of the celebration of Jesus' birth. But also, the added reward of celebrating it with family, my love, and longtime friends. 

Caroling? Check. Christmas Dinner with Family? Check. Midnight Mass at St. Joseph's Cathedral? Check. Porridge at Chu's after Midnight Mass? Check. Christmas Meal with My Love? Check. 

Thank You, Jesus. Thank You. 

Edinburgh. Blackpool. Preston. Manchester. Amsterdam. The Hague. Malta. Gozo. Ghent. Leuven. Rotterdam. Delft. Leiden. London. Singapore. Bali.

Kina Grannis. Imaginary Friend. Herman Dune. Blink 182. Selah Sue. Skrillex. Metric. Bombay Bicycle Club. Gossip. Jack White. Pearl Jam. Beirut. Deadmau5. Alabama Shakes. Noah and The Whale. Nneka. Kasabian. Mumford and Sons. The XX. Regina Spektor. Incubus. Paul Kalkbrenner. Jack White. Florence and The Machine. Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds. Red Hot Chili Peppers. 

Photo Credits: Hobart, Elaine, Yi Won, Paoyee, Dan, Toby, Myself.