"What's the first thing you want to do after the exam?"
I was surprised at myself for being blank at that moment. I thought to myself, well, it marks the end of my 3rd year, the start of my summer holidays, and hopefully, finally, more new beginnings. But that doesn't answer the question.
What I did answer was what I really wanted to do at that moment - take a walk in town. Anywhere, just a good long walk would do. It's what I always end up doing when I just want to take a breather.
The question has been in my head ever since.
When you look through the pictures I've taken, I don't know about you, but there's always a sense of being not-quite-there-yet. That's how I feel, at least. Each picture tells a story. But each an incomplete one.
Most, are everyday inanimate objects, framed in isolation, magnified. Or else, who would notice such things? Would you see the grace in its carved movement?
Put together, it's like walking through an antique shop, filled with odds and ends. Nothing seems to make sense.
What's junk to one, is a treasure to another. What has nothing more than asthetic appeal to me, sometimes conjure emotions in another.
Some, are glimpses of moments.
A tiny fraction of the actual situation.
Who are these people? Where are they this time? Why are they here? Are they the same people?
It looks like it belongs to a series of pictures. Maybe that would provide some explanation.
But no, there is only that insignificant shot - that could mean anything. A tale, never completed, never narrated by the one who stole the moment.
Yet, each, part of the great story of life. And the pictures are fragmented pieces, seized in a swift yet timid stroke by a girl with a camera.
Wait, where am I going with this? Got carried away, sorry. What I meant to say was that as much as I feel I know myself, there are all these different sides of me that I can't quite piece together. Much like my pictures. Do you feel that sometimes, there are no explanations for your actions? That you don't need an explanation. You just do things because your heart moves you to do so. Is that enough explanation?
Because that's also how I take my pictures. Just if and when I feel like it. Then when I look back at what I took, I tend to ask myself, why? (I have always been my own worst critic) I wonder, will people understand my visual journey? It's like scattered memories, there is no clear indication of progression, any form of direction. And as much as I try, I find it difficult to define this direction. A direction needs a goal.
What is mine?
How do you define a goal? Because my passion and my future path are going two very different directions. It scares me. I do not want to break myself in the process.
Hmm. I've written enough. That simple question she asked, got me thinking about what I really want to do as opposed to what I should be doing. And I haven't really decided yet. And with the lack of resources I have now (read: money) it's even harder to decide.
What is your goal? Is it truly your own, or is it in the interest of another individual (parents, spouse, friends, job, etc) and if both, how do you keep a balance between the both, if that is possible? Is it God? Is your heart truly for God or is it just an excuse, to push away the pressing questions of life everyone else has to endure?
Faith is a hard thing to keep in the face of trials.
Note: This is not as well-written as I'd like, apologies. I would spend more time on properly writing this but I'd better work on my studies, spent too much on this post already. Just had to get these thoughts out of my system.
Cheers :)
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