nineteenth of february

It was sweet. There's nothing like spending time with the people you are closest to, people you're already so comfortable with, people who already know you well enough that no explanation is needed. Where you let your guard down, and you can be fragile and its okay. No awkward moments, just great conversation, great company, a great time. 

It was sunny today. I thought about how I waited on you. If I were put in a room with everyone I know, I'll probably be looking out for you the whole time. But I know I can't live my life like that. The tears should not get in the way anymore. There will be days where I need to take control. Where I should stop expecting too much from you, too much from myself. Where I need to take what I have and live it out to the best I can. I used to be able to do that. Take control. 

Today was one of those days where I could feel change creeping in on me. The warmth outside, the bright sunshine, the crowds on the streets, and for once in a long time, I didn't feel so lost anymore. Its crazy how much these emotions can confuse me. I wish things were as clear cut as we make them out to be. Since its not, you go figure yourself out and I'll try to do the same. That's what we agreed on anyway, right? 

I need to get my act together. I think I already took my first step.