dear you (2)

When I think about it,

I can just shake my head and a slow smile creeps in

Wondering what in the world you were trying to achieve 

By your words and actions

I have questions 

Things that I can only ask after time

Because now you and I have more important things

Things that might not matter by then

I'll never know now the other truths you've hidden

From me, from any other, from those you should never hide from

Being torn is being unfair

But you made your choice, right?

Of course it makes me sad

For me, it was too soon

To soon to let someone else take your place

Because that's your worth to me

Because I would only try when it is clear in my mind

That you are nothing more than a friend

That you do not affect my actions anymore

Because that's how it should be
Or more hearts will ache

Shame on you 

For being someone else's

And leading me on

That is my only regret

I don't want to distract you anymore

We drew a line, I heard your tears, 

Sobs I knew came from deep within you

Audio agony so painful

Hurt I never knew I could unknowingly cause

And I would offer you comfort 

But that is not mine to give

When it came to you and me

We were always reckless

We were always passionate

Taking risks we shouldn't

Crossing lines and rebel

Even 'til the very end

Until our last call

Maybe that's just the way we are

Almost self-destructive

Now I beg of you, 

Now that you've made your choice, 

For once, stay true and don't look back

Stay honest to yourself

And the truth won't be such a hard thing for you to face anymore

No emotions would be played with anymore
Because in almost all cases, the choice was on you
And you always kept me waiting
And you always wanted me to stay
And that messes things up

Now that you've made your choice
I have no more reason to keep waiting
I have no more reason to respond to your wants
I just hope our memories are stored away safe
Only looked upon fondly
But not affecting our todays

You know yourself better

If you cannot look at me as just a friend

If there is just a hint of longing left in your heart

And as much as I treasure that longing,

A longing that I share too, 

I'm afraid as long as that want is present

I cannot be present 

I cannot be a friend if it causes conflict in your heart

We're fucked up enough

And we know that

So we're good now.