I can't be the only person who gets tired of people... Right? 

You know, days when you're a bit weary of big groups and constant chatter and the obligation to take interest in the current topic of conversation. Not that I'm not thankful to be part of a bigger community, of course. Especially one that you know you belong to. Yet... sometimes a bit of quiet time to myself, is all I need. 

Not everyone will understand, of course. Some might take me as a bit of an odd one. Scribbling in that black notebook in empty cafes? Not really knowing much about her except what everyone else already knows? Friends with everyone, but not exactly part of any cliques? Always a little veil around her, only open to those she takes comfort in being quiet with. 

Everyone needs a bit of time alone... Right?

2012

It's the time of the year again. 

Where we reflect on the days that have passed since we last screamed, 

"Happy New Year!". 

Hogmanay in Edinburgh

What a way to start the new year. Squeezed in a human traffic jam, a moment of awe while watching the fireworks display, and that bittersweet pang when singing, "Auld Lang Syne".

Made amazing new friends, danced and laughed all the way home, missed the faces of home but had my closest girl friends by my side to ease the ache and I could never be more grateful for them! 

The Last 

My first Valentine's date. My first Birthday where I wasn't separated by distance. Our first road trip, our first trip for that matter.

At a point where I thought I'd given up, he proved to me that he was true. That my past hurts will never, never repeat itself while he still has breath in this mortal life. My love, my laughter, my last. My forever. 

Graduation

The bloody nightmare of a thesis was finally over. All that mattered now was that I graduated. What's done is done. 

Nothing comforted me more than my proud parents smiling, seeing me in my graduation gown. My ass of a brother that I unfortunately love very dearly, giving me a bear hug as soon as I received that measly certificate. 

Showing my parents places they've only read about in books we grew up with. 

The "Rock Wercther" Trip

The perfect summary to my three short years in that part of the world. With the same girls who saw me through my struggles.

The new friends I will forever treasure and never forget. Rediscovering the streets I love and getting lost in them all over again. Quiet contemplation along canals and on long train rides, as faces, places pass you by. 

Music brings you back to moments, emotions, experiences - all, nearly forgotten. And when the last note rings out clear and you sink slowly back down to reality, you choose your perception on what has passed, what is, and what will come. I chose gratitude and hope.

 

Leaving Glasgow 

Bittersweet. 

A big part of me felt ready to leave. To say I was sick and tired of Glasgow however, would be a lie. I will forever hold dear the memories in 243, High Street with the irreplaceable Elaine :) 

Friends that have seen me grow from a naive, reckless girl to an older, reckless girl. New friends through current friends, couchsurfing, chance encounters. People I will never ever forget. Never ever.  

Cafes that have seen laughter, furious scribbling in notebooks, silent painful tears, weary studying, gossip, intimate conversations, or just quiet moments staring out the window. Packing three years worth of memories in two massive boxes, one huge check-in luggage, and little others stuffed into my parents' suitcases.

Saying a satisfied goodbye to every hurt I found in Glasgow. Wondering if I will ever meet some of my friends again. Then when a dear friend, on short notice, walked 40 minutes to come and say goodbye on the day I was to leave, I was comforted. Knowing I will always have somewhere to go back to. 

Kuching. Home.

The fact that I was home for good needed some getting used to. Being away for a few years, changes you. Perspectives change. Oh, but it didn't take long before I embraced the very things about Kuching that I once sneered at. And found faults in things I used to be so comfortable with. Ah, life. Spending precious time with family, the boyfriend, and my dearest friends. Looking back at memories of the past and reflecting on what has changed since then. Looking forward. Being home really keeps one rooted to the ground. A quiet reminder of where you came from, how far you've come and how much more you can achieve. If anything, I am renewed :) 

Crossing Checklists of What I've Missed

Time with God. Mum's birthday. Beaches with My Love. His birthday. Dad's birthday. Date night. Family dinners. Youth camps. Empowered Youth Ministry. Friends' Annual Reunion Dinner. New Year's Eve with familiar faces. 

Christmas at Home

My heart is at ease. To have an entirely new appreciation for Christmas, not only in it's true meaning, the immense significance of the celebration of Jesus' birth. But also, the added reward of celebrating it with family, my love, and longtime friends. 

Caroling? Check. Christmas Dinner with Family? Check. Midnight Mass at St. Joseph's Cathedral? Check. Porridge at Chu's after Midnight Mass? Check. Christmas Meal with My Love? Check. 

Thank You, Jesus. Thank You. 

Edinburgh. Blackpool. Preston. Manchester. Amsterdam. The Hague. Malta. Gozo. Ghent. Leuven. Rotterdam. Delft. Leiden. London. Singapore. Bali.

Kina Grannis. Imaginary Friend. Herman Dune. Blink 182. Selah Sue. Skrillex. Metric. Bombay Bicycle Club. Gossip. Jack White. Pearl Jam. Beirut. Deadmau5. Alabama Shakes. Noah and The Whale. Nneka. Kasabian. Mumford and Sons. The XX. Regina Spektor. Incubus. Paul Kalkbrenner. Jack White. Florence and The Machine. Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds. Red Hot Chili Peppers. 

Photo Credits: Hobart, Elaine, Yi Won, Paoyee, Dan, Toby, Myself.

rediscover.

Big days lie ahead. I'm rediscovering so many things. 

My love for this small, intimate city of mine. Where family, friends and food are always the main attraction for us locals. 

Being well taken care of by my parents, despite their overprotective ways at times. Teaching me every day - how to live, how to love. 

The amazing, amusing friends I have. Time has passed and for some of us, it has been a decade of friendship. Few things spell comfort better than that. 

And the man I've been waiting for all my life, the one with certainty I will say - this is it. The one who will patiently take me to our favourite childhood ice-cream joint and remind me that no matter how hard things get, we will always have each other. 

A future ready to pursue. Led by God, to carry out what He wants, through me. 

Things I've never thought of would actually happen, have come true in ways I never would have imagined. The places I've been, the people I've met, the music I have heard, the food I have ate, the cafes I have sat in, the sunsets I've seen, the possessions I own, the city I've lived in, the friends I have made. 

I am blessed. 

Then sometimes - just sometimes - on a rainy evening my mind drifts to a place with cobbled streets, foreign words and hidden cafes. I smile, grateful to have experienced what I used to only dream of. What so many can only wish for. And with friends that can warm even the worst of winters. 

One day, with a trusted hand in mine, I will rediscover these places too :) Not anytime soon, maybe. But one day, I'm sure of it. 

My life is in a bit of a limbo lately. So this is how it feels like to be unemployed. 

Anyway. My mind drifts off to one cold winter and I'm in my living room, wrapped up in thick layers with a warm mug of coffee to warm my hands and I'm with two of my best friends and we're listening to this. 

I have trouble focusing my energy on one thing at a time. I start so many things and I want to do so much and then somewhere along the way, I get distracted and nothing is finished. It's what my boyfriend would say, "A very hippie way of doing things." It annoyed me at first but I realized... It does have some truth in it. I can't always do as I like, when I like and then act surprised when things don't work out. I don't always set limits or timelines for myself to do things and as a result, nothing really gets done cause I'm just doing things when I feel like it. 

It's obvious even when I blog. Haha. I always set out with one thing in mind and as I write, it somehow evolves into something totally different. And I leave it that way. I don't really have a reason for it. 

So... Hi. How are you? :) Would you sit down and just discuss random thoughts? 

My heart aches for the falling golden leaves, ever-so-slight chill in the air and the quiet contemplation that  comes with long walks in Autumn. In this tropical heat, to the eye there is no change but in my bones I feel the change of seasons and once again, I welcome it with a warm embrace only reserved for friends long expected and sorely missed.