Phew. It's the weekend.

After a dinner of Speltoto, mushrooms and some chicken. And a warm cup of tea. I'm tucked into bed with my laptop on my lap, my bedside lamp on and my room in a semi-mess, I don't think I'm gonna move much tonight.

Rest beckons. 

Wrapped up in a warm blanket
Soft, cosy light in the corner
Songs to soothe the soul to
The sound of rain outside


Now who wouldn't? 

101009

So much can change in one year.

And it can happen so fast, and it's scary to not have any control over it. If it were a good change, I would not mind as much. But when the change involves strained relationships, things get messy. When you look back at friendships that meant so much but somehow life happened and things are not the same anymore. What used to be a refuge, an escape, ends up as a distant warm memory of better days when things were simpler. Days that I sometimes crave for. 

It's almost a year since I met the people whom, little did I know at that time, would play an important role in shaping my experience in a place I never thought I would find myself at home in. 

I've said this a lot. Not here, yet. But I've often said it - when friends become your family, you tend to want to hold on to them more. 

101009

Opinions

A friend said about me, that when I come to her mind, she could not seperate sweet and sarcastic. How could one be both and maintain some form of sanity?
How about a realist and a romantic? Can one be both? Was there ever an in-between?

I try not to be too much of either. But like a wise saint once wrote, sometimes its the very thing we do not want to do, that we find ourselves doing. And The Good Book says this very thing is part of our being and what, as humans, we should struggle against.

And if you've been through enough in life, you would know, the things in life worth doing, the decisions worth making, are usually the hardest. And sometimes I'm not sure if I have the courage for that.

he haunts me.

I remember the time when he played that song. So cliche to sing about leaving on jetplanes but it still pulled at heartstrings. 

I am still in the very house I grew up in. Somewhere I won't be able to spend as much time in anymore. Somewhere that might change the next time I'm back, who knows? 

My final destination would be another sort of home. Somewhere I found myself in. And maybe lose a bit of myself in the process. Somewhere I feel I have to go back to, because where I found myself, I found love and friendship and learning that growing up is a hard thing to do. And I have a lot more to learn. 

I'm a mess of mixed feelings. Not the typical sort, the kind always connected to leaving and farewells. The kind where the thing on my mind is the very thing I'm forbidden from. 

I think I need time. 

The journey begins.